I lost my mom to a heart attack on March 21, 2008, my son's 1st birthday. She was a diabetic, on dialysis, not super healthy, but not really sick either. So, her death was unexpected. I had prepared myself for a long time that it could happen any time, I knew it could happen when I least expected it, it did. I was at home, making my son's birthday cake, my sister was there (up from Atlanta), my dad called and said mom had gone into cardiac arrest during dialysis and he was going to the hospital. My kids were sleeping, so my sister went with him. I was afraid, I did not feel good about it, I prayed for her to be okay, somehow, I almost knew she wasn't. 30 minutes later, my sister called and said she did not make it. I literally fell to the floor, I cried, my husband was there, he held me, and I cried. I had to go up the hill to tell my oldest sister, we then went together to the hospital. We were able to see Mom before she was taken away. She did not look bad to me, she looked peaceful. It was worth going to see her, to me anyway. Before we left, I spent some time with her, by myself. I knew she was in a better place, feeling good, walking the streets of gold. She is an angel now, a guardian to us all.
The next few days proved to be almost surreal. Is this really happening? I kept asking myself? And the answer was always yes, just hold on, make it through the next thing. My Dad seemed okay, considering, he is strong, logical, determined, and yet soft, kind, real! He will be okay, I know, I still worry a little, it isn't easy for any of us, but after 50 years with someone, I can't imagine.
We made it through the decisions, the planning, the visitors, the phone calls, the food.... We made it through despite our saddness. Even though it was hard, the love and care we felt from others was a comfort, and we appreciated everything. We made it through the funeral, the burial, the dinner... We made it through that night.
The following days, my sisters and I banded together and did all the thank you cards. Then we went through all of Mama's things and distributed them to appropriate locations. We did so Dad did not have to, we did it because we are the daughters, we did it because we love them both. It was good for us, the time it gave us together was time we needed, but rarely get. Good in the midst of bad, happiness in the midst of saddness, laughter in the midst of tears. TIME WE NEEDED.
The days go by, the weeks will pass, our loss no less, no easier. Yet, I find comfort in knowing that she was saved, she is in heaven, she is watching over all of us, I will see her again one day. I have a sense of peace, I know she is with me now, and will always be.
I love you Mom!
Kristi
